Children in Divorce "Weapon Of Choice"

I will often use this term when I write of children who find themselves with parents who divorce.

Weapon of choice is just what it implies, putting the children in a place of hurting the other parent.

The Holidays are a time when people get together for love, and the feeling of “family”.

Under age children are no exception to this desire, but there are divorced parents who decide to hurt their ex spouse by trying to turn the child against the other parent.

Let’s name some of the most popular. These are all written assuming there is no child abuse involved.

• Bad mouthing the other parent, or new spouse of the other parent.
• Refusing to allow the other parent to see the child
• Refusing the other parent to talk on the phone to the child.
• Misrepresenting the truth to the child.
• Putting the child in the situation of “messenger” to the other parent.
• Keeping important school papers from the other parent so important events are missed, or school communication is not allowed to both of you.
• Feeding the child lots of sugar and caffeine before a visit to the other parent to make the parent’s job more difficult.
• Keeping a child for yourself on important Holidays and events without thinking about the child’s feelings, or making special arrangements to share the child on that day even if it is your custody day.
• Sending the child to the other parent in “ratty clothes” expecting the child to return in better clothes.
• Asking the child to go through their things at the other parent’s house and “sneak” them to yours.
• Keeping the children away from their Grandparents.
• Talking about your child support (or lack of), or the other parents income to the child.

Do you see yourself in any of these situations?

Have a serious soul searching time with yourself or a good friend about these issues.

Your children have gone through Hell during your divorce. Their entire world has been shattered and changed, and they have absolutely no control.

God Bless, and please know, I do not advocate keeping together for the children. For parents who just cannot get along it is better not to live together or be married any more.
Divorce for children can bring some good changes. As a parent you may feel calmer and be nicer to spend time with in the eyes of your children. Please don’t try to take that away from the other parent.